How did I get here?

You may ask yourself
Where does that highway go to?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right? Am I wrong?
And you may say to yourself
“My God! What have I done?”

Once in a Lifetime by The Talking Heads

Since getting diagnosed, I have spent the following weeks looking back at my life and seeing a lot of things that have happened in my life in a new perspective.

It’s like living in a foggy existence your entire life and finding out that the fog is something that most people don’t have to deal with. You’ve lived your entire life seeing people do things easily and confidently and you start wondering “Why do other people seem to be able to progress and do things in life so easily compared to me? They have no problem getting where they’re going.” Since the fog is something you’ve always experienced, you don’t recognize it as a hindrance and you think that it’s normal because it’s something that you assume everyone has to contend with. Therefore, you come to the conclusion that it must be because you’re just stupid and lazy and not trying hard enough.

So now, looking back, it’s interesting to realize how ‘the fog’ has affected my life. How it has affected things like the decisions I’ve made and how I interact with others, as well the habits and problems I’ve developed trying to deal with the fog, since many of them have been developed as a way of making it through life like that.

So now I’ve got to learn how to deal with the fog. The meds that I’ve started will help to clear the fog a little, but I still have to deal with a foggy existence and learn to find my way through it. By learning ways of finding my way through life easier, I hope to make a better future for myself.