Doppelganger

It’s the name of a book I’ve been reading by Naomi Klein. The book was named that because she would continually get mistaken online with another popular author in her field named Naomi (Wolf); with many people getting angry and sending her messages regarding things that the other Naomi had said or done. Hence, her doppleganger.

The premise of the book goes into how there can often be a big difference between how we are percieved by others, and what we are actually like in reality. How we have our own identity of who we believe ourselves to be, and a ‘doppelganger’ identity that others see us as. At many times, we can often have multiple doppelgangers; a different one for each person or group of people that perceive us in different ways – often dependent on the context by which they know us.

For instance, there is my doppelganger that people I live with likely have. The aloof, messy guy who spends most of the time at home in his room, plays too much video games, eats way too much fast food, and religiously watches Jeopardy almost every day. There’s my ‘work’ doppleganger; the friendly guy that tries to put a smile on every customer’s face. My online doppelganger is really dependent on context; my social media posts are mostly self-depreciating or relatable-life memes, but other online spaces (such as here) are ones where I (hope I) come across as a more ‘verbose and contemplative reflection’-type. Then there’s the doppelganger of people who know me on a more personal ‘real life’ level; one that should be close to how I perceive myself, allowing me to be authentically ‘me’ without worrying about what that doppelganger looks like.

And therein lies the issue with the doppelgangers. We have no direct control over what they look like. Each person or group is going to make that doppelganger of us based on their own perception of who they think we are based off either their experiences with us, or what they’re told about us via other people. That’s why first impressions can be such a big thing; someone’s ‘doppelganger’ of us is often based on how we are perceived when we first meet them. All we can do is try to influence that perception in hopes of forming other people’s doppelgangers of us into what we want them to look like.

But that’s not an easy task. It’s easy enough to say “Well, I don’t care what people think” and you see people go with that attitude all the time. But that attitude is much easier to have when you have power and influence in your life where you don’t have to worry. If you’re in a position of power, it doesn’t matter as much what you say; people have to listen to you anyways. But if your health and well-being is dependent on someone else (such as the paycheque from your boss)? Then, it’s not so easy to ‘be yourself’; it’s often dependent on what that person in power is like, and whether you need to ‘manage’ their perception of you, lest you get fired or miss out on promotions or raises. And if you’re in a service job? Good luck managing all those individual customer doppelgangers…

As for me? I’ve come to care less about trying to ‘manage’ those dopplegangers. I think the ADHD diagonsis has helped me come more to terms with who I am. This isn’t to say that I’ve wrapped my identity around it, as much as I have identified that aspect of myself in the context of my life as a whole; both in how it’s influenced where I am today, and the impact it will have going forward. This has allowed me to be more confident in ‘being myself’, letting people’s doppelgangers of me form naturally without caring about whether I need to ‘manage’ or influence them. This isn’t to say that I don’t care what people think, but only in the sense that I want to be a positive influence in people’s lives, and it’s always good to hear positive feedback when I’ve done that.

That said, I also have to come to terms with the fact that I’m still going to have to ‘manage’ my doppelgangers in the industry I’m looking to go into. In an industry where how you ‘present’ yourself is an aspect of your actual job, being able to ‘present’ yourself positively to those who will hire you is important. I’m hoping to do that in a way where I can do so just being my ‘authentic’ self, and get opportunities that way; but I’m not so naive to think that I won’t also need to do some ‘active management’ of marketing myself to others. It’s not something I’m used to doing, and part of me feels ‘dirty’ doing it, as if I’m ‘failing’ myself for doing so, but I also have learned to accept that reality isn’t perfect, and I need to work with how life is not how I want it to be. Hopefully it can work out!