Adding a Kickstart

I haven’t had much of a history with medications until recently. Growing up, I never got regularly prescribed them, and I was the kind of person that didn’t really take them when it came to headaches or colds either.

It’s not like I was avoiding them because of a fear of what they would to me, or that meds were a big hoax made up by ‘Big Pharma’. Whenever I thought about it, I’d rationalize that I was just ‘toughing it out’, or that they probably wouldn’t make much of a difference anyways. Which is funny in hindsight, because those times where I felt bad enough that I did take them, I’d feel so much better and wonder why I never took them more often. But the next time, I had a problem, I’d go right back to not taking them again.

But looking back now, with the knowledge of how my brain approaches doing (or not doing, as it may be) even the little things that are boring and understimulating, I think I just didn’t take them because my mind just wouldn’t give my body the necessary motivation to go and take them.

Through a little research that I’ve been doing on ADHD, I’ve found a good explanation of how the ADHD brain is different:

The brain is a busy communication network where messages are relayed from one neuron (brain cell) to the next. There is a gap between neurons, which is called a synapse. In order for the message to be passed along, the synapse needs to be filled with a neurotransmitter. Neurotransmitters are chemical messengers, and each one is responsible for different functions.

The key neurotransmitters for ADHD are dopamine and noradrenaline. In the ADHD brain, there is dysregulation of the dopamine system. For example, there is either too little dopamine, not enough receptors for it, or the dopamine is not being used efficiently. Stimulant medications help ADHD because they encourage more dopamine to be produced or keep dopamine in the synapses longer.

https://www.verywellmind.com/the-adhd-brain-4129396

For the last year, I’ve been on meds that were prescribed to deal with anxiety disorders, because that’s what I initially was diagnosed with when I started looking for professional help. After a year of trying different anxiety medications and very little progress, and with the suggestion of the therapist I had been seeing, I saw a psychiatrist to discuss looking to see if it what I have is really ADHD.

After a thorough interview, and showing my report cards from when I was a kid that all had a theme of “smart but has trouble starting assignments” and “smart but has trouble finishing assignments” and “smart but has trouble staying focused on his school work”, I was told that I had a classic case of ADHD. Looking back at my life, lot

So, starting tomorrow, I’m going to start taking ADHD medication with the purpose of helping me to focus better. After the last year of dealing with the side effect of the medications I was on while not seeing much benefit, it’s hard not to be pessimistic about their effect. But I also hold some excitement. I know that meds will not be an instant cure to all my problems, but hopefully they can help me focus enough that I can start to feel like I’m making progress towards living up to the potential that I know I attain.